Recently I made the decision that I needed some time alone with my own thoughts so I booked a log cabin in the middle of the woods and spent the weekend with myself. There are moments in life when you know that you are in transition from one way of being to another. This is one of those times for me. The dreams that visit me at night are shifting and changing. Dancing in the Sea of Morpheus takes on a whole new meaning and feel at these times.
If you were to look up synonyms for the word menopause you would find climacteric, midlife crisis, crossroad, juncture, decisive point, critical stage, and head. I know because I looked it up this morning and I have to say that these words feel like they all apply. I would have liked to have also found a few lighter feeling and less intimidating words such as celebration, new start, next stage, however in my practice of inviting all of my feelings and experiences to the table, I am going to sit with what I have found for the moment.
Lately I have found myself drawn to, and more curious about abstract and less delineated imagery. Where the clear lines do not necessarily form a distinct or recognizable shape, much like the beauty of the frozen and frosty window panes that greet me early in the mornings of the winter months. The images that are in this post are from a 15 minute period of time as the Sun rose and illuminated the window in my studio this morning. I was captivated as the crystals and light shifted and played across the glass. I also took a moment to think about how the glass itself is liquid sand suspended in place. So many immense and tiny moments and miracles lining up to create the changing beauty of the window that I was watching and looking through.
This sentiment is similar to how I am learning to view and experience my life at this point and time...so many immense and tiny moments and miracles lining up to create the changing beauty of the window that I am watching and looking through.
A while ago I wrote a little something about how I had set out to reframe how I approached my relationship with myself. Instead of looking for what was wrong with me and what needed to be fixed, I had started wondering what was right with me. This will be an ongoing practice and it really is a practice of rewiring my brain. It also involves being gentle and kind with myself. Being open and vulnerable. As someone who tattooed the word "warrior" across the top of my shoulders when I was in my 20's, being gentle and kind with myself does not always come easy.
I needed that energy then. I see myself, the world, and my role in it differently now. Both of these versions of me were and are right. Just because I am changing does not mean that who I was before was wrong. I like to think of these versions of myself shaking hands or giving each other a hug. They can call on one another when need be. I say this out loud and write it more as a reminder for myself then an explanation for whomever happens to read this. Growing is not always easy but staying as a past version of yourself is not an easy thing to do either.
As I look over at the window in front of my writing desk it looks very different than it did when I took these pictures early this morning. Very little of the frost crystals remain and the sky has shifted from its dawn colors to an early morning sunrise. I can see more through the window than I could just two hours ago. Or maybe it is that I can see through more. There is a subtle difference in those ways of seeing.
Welcome to Sunday. I hope your eyes have moments when they land upon immense and magical beauty today. May you be blessed with gentleness and kindness and may some that is offered to you come from within yourself.
This is day 85 of the 365 Project.