Can I touch you...

"Magical Child"

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Can I touch you?  
 
Can I reach past and through the distance that exists between you and I?  Can my skin extend in communion towards yours in such a way that the physical barrier that exists between us melts away? Can I move my fingertips, breath, voice, heart and soul in a manner that weaves a connection between us?  Are you willing to let me try?
 
These are times that move the human spirit.  I have sat here as the ongoing events in our world continue to ripple through leaving shock waves and tremors or grief, loss, suffering, dismay, wonderment.  In light of all that has gone in past and recent events, how many of us have begun yet one more day seeing the headlines and have found ourselves sitting and wondering what can we do?  What are our individual and our collective roles?  I certainly have.  I have struggled to understand.  Even as I write this, I feel the tightening in my throat and tears well in my eyes.  I have no answer…and yet…and yet…
 
Can I touch you?  Are you willing to let me try?
 
I am a woman who has many theories that I am constantly and consistently watching…putting to the test so to speak.  I have one that I have been turning over for quite some time.  I believe that the more authentically we live our lives…the more authentically we share with the world who we are – who we understand ourselves to be…we in some beautiful and strange way grant permission for others to do the same.  This is important.  This is not always easy.  This is often messy.  I am speaking of living in your skin with as much truth and integrity as you can muster.  How much can you let the rest of us see of who you are?  This takes work, willingness and dedication to a constant process of excavation.  The excavation being the diligence of monitoring and removing the debris of what we are told we are supposed to be.  There will always be those who do not want to look upon your truth…those whose perception will be so incredibly different from you own…those who will tell you that you should act and be one way or another…those who tell you when you are right and when you are wrong.  Do you know yourself well enough to know your own truth?  You see, I believe we all have a purpose.  Every single human being has a unique purpose that can only be fulfilled through their dedication to the excavation of their truth.  Much of this excavation comes through moments of struggle and hardship.
 
I have worn many different hats throughout my life thus far.  At one time I was the Education and Outreach Coordinator for a statewide organization.  I traveled the state providing education, workshops, and presentations on issues related to sexual and gender identity.  I had both the honor and challenge of holding this position in Vermont as it went through the contortions of legalizing civil unions. 
 
One particular presentation that I did at this time is still incredibly vivid in my memory.  The presentation was for a high school – teachers and students alike.  Throughout the duration of the presentation there was one young man who proved to be incredibly challenging.  He sat on top of the desk as if it were a throne.  He was the football teams star quarterback.  His girlfriend, wearing his letterman’s jacket sat in the desk chair at his feet.  Every time I presented a statistic, a story or a piece of information related to new research he would speak out with the opposing viewpoint and statistics.  He had charisma.  He was popular.  He had confidence.  He was intelligent.  He also had the potential to sway the audience and the majority of the room.  Honestly, I was very good at my job and I am skilled at giving people the room they need to maneuver and express their viewpoint.  I am also skilled at holding space.  That presentation was one of the most challenging that I would experience in the course of that particular career.  Finally, after two hours the presentation concluded and the room began to empty out.  I began packing up the materials I had laid out on the desk and was thinking about the 3 hour drive I had still to make before I would arrive home.  From the corner of the room I heard shuffling and raised my head to see the young quarterback who had so challenged me standing there.
 
“Can I talk to you for a moment?” he asked. 
 
It had been a long day and I still had a long drive home ahead of me.  My first thought was…great…here comes the personal attack.  I took a moment to prepare myself and then answered, “Of Course.”
 
With his head down he walked over to me until he stood directly in front of me.  As he lifted his head there were tears in his eyes as he said, “I am so sorry.”  The tears came harder as he continued, “I just couldn’t let them know that you were talking about me.  I could not let them all know who I really am.”  Then he said, “I will never forget you.  You have given me something to hold onto.”  He turned and left the room.
 
Can I touch you?  Are you willing to let me try?
 
There are so, so many stories that I could share.  Stories that have formed and shaped me.  Stories that excavated and revealed layers of my truth and purpose, as I know them thus far to be.  But as I was thinking of writing this installment, as I sat here wondering what my role and purpose was and is in regards to the events that continue to unfold in our shared world and realities, I began to think of a different story that I wanted to share.  A different type of story that speaks to walking in one’s truth and in one’s authenticity.  A story that I thought I would never share in this particular way.  But these are strange times.
 
Remember that old rocking chair from the first two installments?  Can you pull her up and start her rocking motion back and forth?  Can you hear me rocking next to you, my chair creaking in rhythm and time with yours?  Perhaps as you move through your day today you can listen for the sound of that rocking chair.  Take a moment to listen when the creaking of the wood lines up with one another – when the two sounds form one.  Then tomorrow…this is where we will begin.  You and I rocking side by side, sharing a story.  And I will ask you  once again…
 
Can I touch you? 

Can I reach past and through the distance that exists between you and I?  Can my skin extend in communion towards yours in such a way that the physical barrier that exists between us melts away? Can I move my fingertips, breath, voice, heart and soul in a manner that weaves a connection between us?  Are you willing to let me try?

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